If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
