So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
