why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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