Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
