actually, I'm a sock model
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
