i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
