He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
