guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
