you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Two words: nipple clamps
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