Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
