I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
