I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
