i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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