i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
