There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
There's a naked man in my car right now.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Never underestimate the power of titties
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
