I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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