id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
