It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
