We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
