I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
