You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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