Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
