Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
