They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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