he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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