a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Watching her eat just hurts me
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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