it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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