i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
