Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
