I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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