Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
