its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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