Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
