One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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