Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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