Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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