This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
