Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
