can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
being pregnant is like rehab
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
