How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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