His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
