porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just high enough for therapy.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
