I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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