and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
