she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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