Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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