You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
