I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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