Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
high people should be assigned attendants
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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