he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Life is so much better after having sex.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize