When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
