nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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