I wanna bring you to show and tell
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
