sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
