I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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