it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
