your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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