I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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