no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
