I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
dude. I can hear the air.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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