shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
if only i could text you this smell
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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