Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
