he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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