we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
even my farts smell like vagina
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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