Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
