i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize