Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize