Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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